I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
