Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
