Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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