Too much gin, very little bucket
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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