New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
