well he's currently spooning the coffee table
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
