You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
