My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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