For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i dont even know how to be here
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
