I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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