My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am spending my child support on dildos
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
