Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BRING THE BAGELS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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