EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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