It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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