Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
