One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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