My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
