I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
