I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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