the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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