You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
