omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize