Already got asked if we're dating
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
