I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
