3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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