She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
