I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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