So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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