; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
