I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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