dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
