Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my shit smells like andre
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My life is pants optional.
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