Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
