So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
