I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
