YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
