But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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