I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
