How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
