3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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