i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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