Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
