I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
