Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
