Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize