There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
