He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
