ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
