she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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