Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

Thanks dad.

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(740): View more from Ohio

So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

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(716): View more from New York

I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.

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(425): View more from Washington

You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."

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