I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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