So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
