There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
