So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
