if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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