Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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