Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
