He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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