I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
