So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
