We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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