Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
