Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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