I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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