dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
