Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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