So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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