please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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