just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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