you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
