we're blogging at a bar
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
