I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
