She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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