I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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