I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My feet surprised me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
