He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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