Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
