Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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