Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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