Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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