a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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