Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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