My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
