stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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