Where did you get a picture of my penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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