Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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