I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize