I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
