ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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