Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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